Thankful – always and Forever

I believe I have always been Thankful for many things. I have a long history of facing some pretty significanct up hill battles, yet I have never let them define my desire to seek out the good, the happy, the funny and the uplifting. Even when faced with insurmountable odds. I believe this thought train is how I am able to fight off much of the negative news I that are standing in my path at the moment. Listen I am no super hero — It is not always possible, but for the most part — I can do it. It helps my friends uderstand how important it is for me to stay cogent, honest, and aware…..that is what keeps me moving forward.

I would lke to offer a brief lesson. I get how hard it must be to talk with someone whom you know may be facing a brutal event. I get it may be hard to figure what is the right way to express your emotions. No judgemnt – i know it is hard – but frankly some of you need a bit of help :). May I start by saying it is not the “afflicted’s” job to ease your angst. Telling someone how devasted you are that they are so sick is a bit odd. It is not as though I (or whomever) is thrilled with the diagnosis either. But, I didn’t get the diagnosis to devaste you….Just Saying! I didn’t get the diagnosis to make you cry. Just sayin’, and I didn’t geth te diagnosis to make you fell sorry for me – JustSayin’. I truly appreciate that you care. But I am your friend and what I want to hear from you is romal conversation. Gossip, How the kids are, whats happening for dinner, Binge watching items, interesting podcasts, and other conversations that are just about regular day to day events. Again, I want to say no judgments — I just thought maybe this would help you in the future.

I am open and honest about what faces me. Dr’s have been straight foraward with a coating of EOL reality. I get it. But here is the thing about me, and the thing sthat still confuses the DR.’s. I am and my case is so totally out of the box that their is no direct route to an answer. Which is why I fight and question and explore and talk to anyone and everyone about my future. Luckily enough, my family has connections that have helped me send out inquiries around the world. And I am hopeful. Today I speak with a Dr. at MSKCC. She may have something promising or maybe not — but either way I look at as a step forward. And I am hopeful.

But most of all, I want you all to continue to be positive about whatever is to come. In my life, in your life and all lives – becauseface it — it ain’t easy out there right now – for any of us. Being postive is an incredble driving force to so many things. My focus is on getting healthy for however long, spending quality, fun, connected and joyful time with family and friends (yes even the ones that have trouble talking to me :). LIfe is to be enjoyed — and that is my plan.

My closest friends get it and we can joke — yes even about the “possibility” of, well, uyou know — but it is okay becasue it is my way to process, to deal, and to come to terms if need be.

This is an odd blog- I get it. But I want you all to know I can and will talk about anything. I am not fragile. I fighting, and I am happy, and I am surrounded by incredible people — some that know I am speakingofthem and some that don’t — no worries — YOu all rock!!!!