Is My View Askew – Let’s Talk It Through!

For most of us, this week/weekend is marked by a significant religious holiday!  A time to reflect on what has happened and what is to be.  The other day I had cause to do this, not because of the religious aspect, but by a journey my twins are about to make from Tampa to NY.  The trip was causing me some real anxiety and stress- which is crazy since I am not even going to be in the car.  I will just be home hitting refresh on my “Find My Friends” app every 2 minutes for 24 hours straight, but I have said it before – I am just a bit cuckoo when it comes to this kind of stuff.

Anyway, the journey has been planned and my mind as it a “wee” bit at ease – all to thanks of a warm and friendly woman named Percilla West.  She is the manager of the Hamptons Inn in Roanoke Rapids, NC; and she has gone above and beyond to put my mind at ease and offered such great customer service and care that has touched my heart and triggered me to review and view what has been and what will be.  So Percilla – Thank You!  For being you, for taking caring of what is dear to me, and for the Healing Bear you are sending!  May you be surrounded by good – always!

This random act of kindness put me on path.  2020 is the toughest year any of us could ever have imagined, and we are all chomping at the bit for it to end already.  For me I believe the end is near, in a good way that is.  These holidays ask us to look back and think of what has been and reflect.  So I began to look back, and I was drawn back to May 27, 2019.  From then to now has not been what I would consider ‘stellar’ in any way.  On this day, my mother – my reason for being and truly the fiber that runs through my body, woke up on the floor of her kitchen.  In a whirlwind 6 weeks, my mother was gone.  Aggressive small cell Lymphoma raced through her body quicker than a Butane soaked fire.  My world seemed to stop! Or stand still at least!  Prior to this, I was pretty sure footed – and now totally adrift unable to find a secure place to land.  If not for my husband, children, brother, sister-in-law, nieces, and close friends – I would probably still be circling adrift somewhere.  But they didn’t allow it.  The grabbed that rope and pulled me in!  That love, that care, that sense of being worthy of others was so fulfilling and sustaining that it brought me back.  Back and able to enjoy, to laugh, to celebrate and to cope. So in looking back for that down and then the UP, I am grateful!

The trend of loss, family injuries, minor fender-benders, emotional ups and downs continued, and culminated with a February 17^th diagnosis of Lung Cancer –! And then the COVID pandemic hit. Wow, can you beat this run – I think not!  I guess we all can.  But can you find the positive in it?  Yes, yes I can! In 6-weeks it will be a year since my Mom fell.  So, I have decided – This year is done at 11:59 pm on May 27, 2020.  I have skewed my view of what a year should be – You know, I make things work the way I want them to be!!!!  Damned if you Do or Damned if you don’t – a negative me I just won’t!!!!!!  (Dr. Suess I am not either for that matter).

So back to this week, and why I feel blessed.  I have finished my 2^nd chemo.  This one was definitely harder than the first.  The 1^st time I had a few days (my cycle of bed days- I call it) of feeling somewhat yucky – all in all no big deal.  This time I was bedraggled, down and really YUCKY for 4 days:  really, really No Bueno!  Then Monday night came around, and the veil began to lift.  You would think I just won a $10,000,000 prize. I didn’t care that I had cancer or the world was fighting off this viral killer.  I was back!  I was ready to be positive, I was ready to find the good in my every day.  To spread positivity in any way I could – even if it is to make fun of my own inability to find a pair of matching socks in my drawer or laundry basket; or laugh at my lack of caring to put on a shirt and pants that aren’t closed by a zipper or a draw string; or, and maybe the funniest of all, my over emphasized joy that the mail has arrived……I mean it is like Steve Martin in “The Jerk” when the new phonebook arrived (I know some of you don’t even know what a phonebook is  or what The Jerk for that matter–oh so sad – it is a classic)….But let me get back to my point – there is good in the world, and even in the every CO-VIDay.  It is harder to find and tougher to look for –

TAKE THE TIME TO LOOK FOR IT – IT’S WORTH IT, I swear…..and if you find my other sock…..well, you know!!!!!

With gratitude, hope and joy!

Carol

@funnycancermom